Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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