I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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