38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
