Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
