my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
