everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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