i love accidental penises.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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