You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
