i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
