I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
