i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
a search helicopter?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
