So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
