Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
