That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
