no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jerry, you need to find god
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
