You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
