Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
