I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
