i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
