You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
