Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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