My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
