come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
