can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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