is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize