You're completely useless in the revolution.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
