Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
