I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
