The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i out mim tonsoeep
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