Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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