Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
