I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
