i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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