Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am one with the molecules
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
