nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
