a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
