U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
