The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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