He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
