we're blogging at a bar
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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