i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
