Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
