this boner is exhausting
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
