Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
