Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
