This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
