Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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