i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
