and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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