Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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