He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
