i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
