we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
