I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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