Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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