My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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