Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
