I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
