a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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