i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize