didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
