Already got asked if we're dating
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
why is half of my head shaved?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
