If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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