If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
