he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
