I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
