Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
