Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
