You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just gargled with NyQuil
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
