I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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