i barfeds in our rink
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
