Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
